I'm not sure what to ask here. I think it's how does gossip work in communities in the Western Isles? Is it different in towns such as Stornoway to small islands such as Berneray, where I've witnessed people gossiping about their neighbours first hand?
(I'm not sure what I mean by "work" here. Happen?)
I am wondering if it may be a case of moving from one extreme (urban English city) to another (rural Scottish island community). Here in Coventry, in my street, I suspect no-one outside of each household gossips. Because no-one seems to know who their neighbour is. There's a paliple suspicion of everyone that you can almost feel, which is quite negative, so no-one speaks to their neighbour. I find this quite a negative environment to live in for many reasons, and that is one of them.
On the other hand, a place where everyone gossips about everyone else - how does that function without everyone ending up disliking each other?
Hi,
ReplyDeleteEntertaining blog. But not unique, as these questions come up regularly from people who visited the islands.
I lived on Berneray for about 4.5 years in the last decade, but I now live in Iowa. Oddly, perhaps, in a small rural community. And this is after spending the first 19 years of my life in a small, very rural, poor English community. Guess I'm drawn to these places; the city is just too relentlessly noisy for me.
A few notes on the gossip thing.
1. Gossip is a loaded word. It covers too many things from the helpful and life-saving e.g. "I haven't seen my neighbour recently and she didn't look well last time" to the destructive "Have you heard about X, having an affair with Y; he always parks his car round the back of her house so people can't see it from the road." And a lot of examples in between. Heard possibly all of them on Berneray.
2. But also in other rural places. Small Hebridean communities aren't really special; gossip happens in all rural places. If this is a problem, then the city, maybe a different city, is a better place to live in.
3. Gossip is kinda like a local currency. People do it for all manner of reasons; to make conversation; to point score; to make themselves feel "wanted" as a provider of information; to mask their own insecurities, fears and jealousies; to go off on a little power trip ("I know things that you don't, and here's the proof").
4. Here's a heads-up. What you've written on here, some people will count as gossip (even if they agree with it). As you haven't anonymised it, some folk will remember it, and associate it with you if/when you go back to Berneray. You've already gossiped :-)
5. That's one of the reasons why most residents on Berneray - and probably the whole islands - who lurk online don't comment on blogs and forums with their real name, because it gets associated with them and sometimes causes hassle. I always use my own name (IR code of conduct) and it was interesting who didn't like what I wrote, no matter what. This confirmed point 3.
So - you're already gossiping :-)
As to how people survive without ending up disliking each other. Well, it's a complete myth, utter touristy bullshit, that everyone on Berneray, and in every Hebridean community and probably everywhere, likes each other, gets on, has a spontaneous Ceilidh every evening. There's plenty of feuds, people (even cousins) who haven't spoken for years, who glare at each other on the single track roads, and who shop in stony silence when their mortal enemy is in the same cramped store.
People just get by. They have to. If you have a stand-up argument with someone and one of you storms out, by circumstance you're going to bump into them several more times that week. Or even day.
Some people grasp this; others don't. I kept a diary, and all my emails (a *lot*) of my time there. Reading back, it struck me that I only had arguments with two locals during the 4.5 years (and one of those was drunk and apologised profusely the next day). But the number of incomers I got embroiled in dispute with was well into double figures.
One thing you should do. When you move to somewhere, find the like-minded people, folk like you. Fall in with them. Avoid the rest (and some of the rest will pester you for their own gain). That's probably the way to be.
I think Silversprite has summed it up perfectly.
ReplyDeleteThe one thing I'll add is that one of the major bones of contentions I've seen that causes feuds between incomers and natives is when someone who comes to the island wants to make changes and complains about not having certain conveniences that they had on the mainland. (The classic here on Lewis is someone moving here and then complaining that everything is closed on a Sunday...)